Healing the Pain of Not Being Chosen with 9D Breathwork

heart floating on water

Recently, I posted about my ex getting married.

And while I genuinely wish him happiness, part of me still had to sit with the emotions that surfaced afterward.

Not because I believed he was right for me. Not because I wanted the relationship back. But because moments like that can quietly awaken something much deeper inside of us:

The pain of not being chosen.

And I think this feeling extends far beyond relationships.

Sometimes we are not chosen in friendships.

In careers.

In families.

In rooms we desperately hoped would see our value.

And even when we logically understand something was not aligned for us, the emotional impact can still feel deeply personal.

Because being unchosen has a way of activating old wounds.

It can make us question our worth. Replay our mistakes. Compare ourselves to others. Wonder why someone else received the love, opportunity, or commitment we once hoped for.

And perhaps the hardest part is this:

Sometimes the pain is not about wanting that person or situation back.

Sometimes it is grieving the version of ourselves that hoped it would turn out differently.

Sometimes it is the nervous system remembering every other moment it felt unseen, abandoned, dismissed, or not enough.

I think many of us spend years trying to earn our worth through being chosen.

Chosen enough.

Loved enough.

Wanted enough.

Validated enough.

But healing slowly teaches us something different.

9D Breathwork has helped me regulate my emotions.

Do I still get sad? Hell yes.

But now I also have the tools to regulate my nervous system rather than sitting in a constant frazzled state.

There was a time when I showed up to my mentor’s event already emotional before I even walked through the door because everything had gone so wrong that day.

The moment she saw me, she softly said:

“You did good. You now know how to fix yourself by showing up and doing the work.”

And then she gave me the biggest hug.

That moment stayed with me.

Because healing is not about never feeling sadness again. It is not about becoming unaffected. It is about learning how to move through the emotions without letting them consume your entire identity.

Sometimes the sadness still feels stronger, and I choose the solitude of my room.

But most days, I practice the 9D Breathwork, regulate my nervous system, and slowly restore the calm within myself.

Maybe healing is not about always being chosen by others.

Maybe healing is finally learning how to choose yourself.